2019 has mostly been the year from fucking hell. I laid in bed the other night and tried to decide if saying it has been the worse year of my life ever was doing it a disservice. I decided that it was not. I have had tough times in my life before but this year has been a true battle and to say I am staggering to the end of it fairly emotionally and mentally battered and bruised would be pretty accurate. I have cried and raged and worried and agonised and spent many many hours thinking about what is the best and right thing to do. I have mourned the loss of something that was once my whole world. I have been the saddest and the angriest version of myself. I wish that somehow the date changing tonight from 2019 to 2020 could mean I could leave ALL of that behind me in 2019 but emotions and feelings have no real idea about the social construct of time and dates however, I am determined to do my best.
But, and it is a pretty big and important but, 2019 has not been all bad. In many ways it has actually been pretty amazing. It has most definitely been the year of discovering the power of female friendship. I have had a checkered history when it comes to female friends which stem right back to being bullied by girls at school. Over the years I have had close female friends but they have always drifted away or else turned out not to be the friends I thought they were further adding to my distrust.
Sex blogging changed all that and through this community I made some truly amazing friendships but this year those friendships have taken on a new level as a powerful group of women have basically circled around me holding me up at times when I truly needed it. They have loved and nurtured and listened and encouraged and cried and laughed and been brutally honest with me. They have been my support network and whether they know it not they have saved me in so many ways. 2019 might have been hell but these women have been my saving graces and taught me the true meaning of female friendships. Those women are: Rebel’s Notes, sub-bee, Cara Thereon, Kayla Lords and Girl on the Net. You have been the light in a fairly dark year and I will be forever grateful for your friendship.
There is one other wonderful thing about my year and that is The Charmer. He has been my friend, my person, for a long time now but the end of 2018 bought with a realisation that we both wanted more than that. How or what that would look like we didn’t know but 2019 was going to be the year we worked that out. Of course 2019 actually turned out to be the year of surprises and nothing really turned out quite as we imagined but the end result is something we never anticipated being possible and now that it is we plan to make the most of what life has gifted us. In that sense 2019 has been joyous. 9 Days in Miami stand out in particular. It was a turning point in my year in so many ways because it gave me the time away I needed to be by myself and really think but connecting with The Charmer there and answering some of those questions that we had both had for a very long time was deeply satisfying and bonding for us.
And so it is been a year of discovery really. Some of it wonderful but much of hard and painful and with that came some beautiful high moments but also way to many awful low moments. Mostly I am damn glad to see the back of 2019. It will I suspect forever be etched in my memory as a truly challenging and life changing year.
Today is the last of 2019 and so the thing to do now is to look forward into the future. It is actually something I have been really trying to do for the last couple of months but it is not always easy and I realised that in many ways I am mourning and that trying to just leave that behind is futile. It is a process and one that will continue on for as long as it needs and that is OK. But with each day I becomes easier to look up and out at what is to come and slowly leave behind what has been.
The future is always unknown but this year that is maybe more true for me than any other in recent years and whilst that is daunting it is also exciting. I have things I want to do both professionally and personally. I have realised that in many ways I get to explore my kinks all over again with a new partner and maybe, hopefully, some other people too. There is needle play, a rope event and some branding all potentially on the cards for the first few months of this year. There is also developing plans between The Charmer and I to spend more time together. 2019 has not exactly been my best sex year. I am VERY ready to change that in 2020!
Professionally I have one new project already started which if successful may end up changing the focus of much of my work. I am excited by the possibilities that holds. I also have a sponsor on board for the second series of the KissCast that will start in April and before that Eroticon which is fast approaching. (ticket still on sale for those who don’t have one yet). Next year will also see the 500th week of Sinful Sunday and Kayla and I also have plans for projects that we want to work together in the coming year and of course continue to build the Smutlancers Patreon (if you are a Smutlancer or want to be one then you should definitely think about joining us) which has exceeded all our expectations in 2019.
There is also one other major thing I want to do and that is to refocus myself on this space. I want to reconnect with my photography again and hopefully as I explore new experiences and relationships that will help with that and also inspire me to write about those things here too. My blog has been with me for a long time now. It predates my meeting Michael in person. It has been my companion through all those years of discovery and exploration. It has bought me untold joy and has fostered my creativity in ways nothing else ever has. I have learned so much about myself through writing and sharing my images here as well as developed a set of skills that I never could have imagined having all those years ago when I started out on this journey.
Building Molly’s Daily Kiss has been a true labour of love but I have enjoyed every moment of it and I love this little old blog of mine with an absolute passion and tomorrow, the 1st of January 2020, I am rather stunned but also proud to say my blog will be 10 years old.
In some ways I feel like I only started this project yesterday and yet I also can barely remember life without it. Whatever happens in my world I have no plans to ever give this space up. Creating that account on wordpress all those years ago was one of the best decisions I ever made. Despite all the ups and downs in life I have never had a moment where I regretted this blog. I have bared my soul here and also my body. If there was ever a case of bleeding on the page this blog is it, sometimes there has even been actual blood. Pressing that publish button has been fun, exciting, exhilarating and at times absolutely fucking terrifying. I have not always shared everything, some things, some experiences and some people for various reasons but I have always been honest and I have always been me.
So tonight I get to celebrate 10 years of creating content here and tomorrow, well…
It’s a new dawn
It’s a new day
It’s a new life for me
And I’m feeling…..
…mostly myself at the moment but the minute that changes I will definitely let you know.